If the Glove Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit: Legal Logic From the Lazy Boy Lawyer

Yesterday, the family of Jdimytai Damour, the man trampled to death at a Long Island Wal-Mart filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the retail chain claiming store ads offering deep discounts "created an atmosphere of competition and anxiety" that led to "crowd craze," according to this story.

This legal argument sounds like something from the guy in the commercials between The People's Court and The Bold and the Beautiful, but it will still hold up. When something devastating happens society must find somebody to blame and because none of the mob will ever be held responsible, Wal-Mart, it looks like your it. I don't blame Damour's family for going after Wal-Mart for compensation because they deserve something for what happened. But c'mon, really, deals leading to crowd craze. I guess I need to watch out for all the 80 year old ladies with their fists full of coupons from the Sunday circular the next time I go to the grocery store. Nobody wants a 2 for 1 can of tuna to the side of the head.

Seriously though, who do we blame here? Which side is the correct one to take? Is picking one side really that easy or is there plenty of blame to go around? On the one hand, you have a greedy retailer providing door buster (literally in this case) prices, so they should expect a huge turnout and be ready for it, especially considering there are massive Black Friday crowds every year. On the other hand, the shoppers acted like unstoppable brain-hungry zombies, who actually tore the doors down on their way to trampling Damour.

Another point: Were any other people killed at the thousands of other Wal-Mart's in the country, which most likely provided the same level or lack of security, depending on your viewpoint. No. So, the question becomes: Was Wal-Mart lucky in the sense that only one person was killed because of their lackluster efforts, or was this an isolated incidental caused by the maniacal mob?

Also: Wal-Mart was not the only giant retailer offering incredible Black Friday deals. Was security much better at Target, Kohl's, K-Mart, and the other retail chains, or, again, was the tragedy at the Long Island Wal-Mart an isolated incident? Similarly, Black Friday has been going on for years so how come people haven't been dying at these sales events for years? Was security better in past years, or, again, was this an isolated incident?

While most of us have a negative view of Wal-Mart except when we're getting a 3 for 1 deal on Hot Pockets, is it fair that they will end up forking over millions because of the deplorable actions of a group of people, while those folks receive no consequences for their actions at all?

Here is my Swiftian suggestion: If retailers continue to have Black Friday in years to come, all shoppers should be tazered and wheelbarrowed into the stores so nobody's safety will be compromised. Sure, it will sting for a little while but after a few seconds they will return to normal and have no problem reaching for their wallets.