If the Glove Doesn't Fit, You Must Acquit: Legal Logic From the Lazy Boy Lawyer

Yesterday, the family of Jdimytai Damour, the man trampled to death at a Long Island Wal-Mart filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the retail chain claiming store ads offering deep discounts "created an atmosphere of competition and anxiety" that led to "crowd craze," according to this story.

This legal argument sounds like something from the guy in the commercials between The People's Court and The Bold and the Beautiful, but it will still hold up. When something devastating happens society must find somebody to blame and because none of the mob will ever be held responsible, Wal-Mart, it looks like your it. I don't blame Damour's family for going after Wal-Mart for compensation because they deserve something for what happened. But c'mon, really, deals leading to crowd craze. I guess I need to watch out for all the 80 year old ladies with their fists full of coupons from the Sunday circular the next time I go to the grocery store. Nobody wants a 2 for 1 can of tuna to the side of the head.

Seriously though, who do we blame here? Which side is the correct one to take? Is picking one side really that easy or is there plenty of blame to go around? On the one hand, you have a greedy retailer providing door buster (literally in this case) prices, so they should expect a huge turnout and be ready for it, especially considering there are massive Black Friday crowds every year. On the other hand, the shoppers acted like unstoppable brain-hungry zombies, who actually tore the doors down on their way to trampling Damour.

Another point: Were any other people killed at the thousands of other Wal-Mart's in the country, which most likely provided the same level or lack of security, depending on your viewpoint. No. So, the question becomes: Was Wal-Mart lucky in the sense that only one person was killed because of their lackluster efforts, or was this an isolated incidental caused by the maniacal mob?

Also: Wal-Mart was not the only giant retailer offering incredible Black Friday deals. Was security much better at Target, Kohl's, K-Mart, and the other retail chains, or, again, was the tragedy at the Long Island Wal-Mart an isolated incident? Similarly, Black Friday has been going on for years so how come people haven't been dying at these sales events for years? Was security better in past years, or, again, was this an isolated incident?

While most of us have a negative view of Wal-Mart except when we're getting a 3 for 1 deal on Hot Pockets, is it fair that they will end up forking over millions because of the deplorable actions of a group of people, while those folks receive no consequences for their actions at all?

Here is my Swiftian suggestion: If retailers continue to have Black Friday in years to come, all shoppers should be tazered and wheelbarrowed into the stores so nobody's safety will be compromised. Sure, it will sting for a little while but after a few seconds they will return to normal and have no problem reaching for their wallets.

The True Meaning of Christmas: Knocking Someone Out for the Last $550 50" Plasma

"My preciouses. The Black Friday specials are all MINE!"

After celebrating all that we have to be thankful for yesterday, today, consumers flocked out in the wee hours of Black Friday to buy a bunch of crap they don't need at low, low prices. Every year there are news stories about the folks who participate in this capitalist endeavor, so those who don't can marvel at the insanity people will go through to save money during the holiday season.

To be fair, especially considering my current financial straits, I understand the need to save a few bucks, but is the Mad Max mentality really necessary?

I participated one year, mainly just to witness the chaos that I had heard so much about. For those of you who haven't, it is amazing. If you want to see people at their worst, or what will happen when all the food, oil, and water runs out, this is the place to be. On a similar note, this story illustrates how sad things have gotten.

According to the linked story, in their anxiousness to get inside a Long Island Wal-Mart, shoppers trampled and killed a Wal-Mart employee. Also, according to the story, "Unconfirmed reports said a pregnant woman also miscarried as the crowd rushed in."

Simply amazing. For those who don't want to read the entire piece, highlights include a Wal-Mart employee saying the mob took the doors off their hinges as he had to fight people off his back.

The paramedics arrived to help the pregnant woman only to tell her that it was too late. "The baby is gone."

According to shoppers, people continued to enter the store even after the paramedics worked on the deceased Wal-Mart employee and the pregnant woman.

I hope the mob enjoys their new plasmas and Little Johnny smiles when he opens up the game mom and pop had to rush in to grab so they could save 10 bucks. It truly is Black Friday.