14.59. I Wish

Enough of this woman, please. This latest edition of Palin rambling comes from conservative documentarian John Ziegler's next film "How Obama Got Elected."

This clip is laughable as Palin rambles and blames the "mainstream" media (mainstream - the term used by the ultra-right when describing the liberal media like the Limbaughiacs are toiling away in basements, hiding from "the man" in order to feed the real truth to the masses. Viva la Fox News!), the entire world, and any and every animal, plant, or mineral except herself for not being able to hang moose antlers up in the Oval Office. I could also ramble on for days about the glaring hypocrisy that is Sarah Palin, but here is my condensed rant.

The "mainstream" media didn't ruin your chances, you did. You gave the press the middle finger by refusing interviews, and when you did dare to speak to them, watching the interviews was like watching the Hindenburg disaster. Oh the humanity! You are a caricature. You are a marketing research burrito, wrapped up and served to the starving, zombified masses who bought the down home cookin', gosh darn "I'm a real person like you" George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004.

Stop blaming the "mainstream" media and the blogosphere for your ignorance. You and your followers act like you are not to blame at all for your loss, like you were this perfect candidate and the Hellish "mainstream" media made it its mission for you not to succeed. You act like journalists wanted you to harness cold fusion. Katie Couric, for instance, just wanted to know what news publications you read, if any. You were asked questions that a future vice-president should be able to answer and you failed miserably, thus one big reason why you are sitting at home cooking moose chili.

Sure, outright lies were reported about you. But you provided plenty of head scratching fodder yourself, and you perpetuated outright lies about the guy you were running against as well (Ayres, "palling around with terrorists" for example). We can only hope that you become a pop culture footnote by 2012, but I'm losing hope now that you've figured out how to use the "mainstream" media to keep you in the public eye. Just don't go the Paris Hilton route. Keep the lights on.

Our only hope is that the Kool-Aid you are pouring is misplaced with Ecto Cooler Hi-C or that Alaska's moose nation will finally storm Achorage and send you packin' on your snowmachine into the icy tundra. Look out, Russia can see you too.