Let's Get Po-lit-ical, Po-lit-ical: Isn't it a Little Early to be Voting?

Early voting began in Valdosta and throughout Georgia Monday, a month and a half before the Nov. 4 election and days before the first presidential debate, which, currently, is still scheduled McCain or no McCain.

It is irresponsible for voters to cast their ballot this early, especially before any major debate has taken place. What is your vote based on? Party lines. Your gut feeling. Misleading and completely false negative TV ads. 24-hour news talking squares. Teleprompter speeches. In this public relations run world, especially considering the sickening display both camps have displayed towards free press, debates are the one place where voters will be able to see these candidates for what they really are. No more talking points. No more Wikipedia references. No more smiling photo ops. No more waving off screaming reporters, People magazine photo ops, and PR agents saying 99% of questions are off limits.

Besides this point, once you vote that's it, that goes even for you folks down in Florida (By the way, I hope they've finally got their act together. To quote the wise Ug of Salute your Shorts, "Now get it right or pay the price!") There are so many "what if" scenarios that can occur before the election that it seems silly to vote this early. Sure, like most of you, I'm leaning a particular way, but what is the rush? Election time is a mudbog; Let's stop and smell the monster truck exhaust fumes.

So why would you vote this early?

To avoid long lines? You cannot get off work Nov. 4? These reasons are legitimate and it's sad in the self proclaimed model of democracy that people have to choose either a) voting early and possibly regretting their choice or b) missing a day off their paycheck to take part in the Democracy our leaders supposedly hold in such high esteem.

I propose this: If the U.S. government is so quick to write a 700 billion dollar bail out check to big business with little to no checks and balances, why not provide funds to working folks so they can take off Nov. 4 and vote?

If you're going to vote early, vote during the early voting period a week before the election. By then the cards should be laid out for all to see. In the meantime, just sit back and laugh with me at what was supposed to be "The High Road Election" - the "Straight Talk Express" vs. "Hope, Change, and Real Solutions" and what has sunk to Swamp Thing vs. Sasquatch, mud and lore.

New Orleans' visitors/A Slightly Inappropriate? Edo to Primeveal

With Hurricane Gustav headed towards New Orleans, Chrissty's family members who live in the city and the surrounding area came to Valdosta while the storm passed over. Not the best reasons for a family reunion but it was good to see everybody. Interestingly enough, Chrissty's cousin Kaleigh was here three years ago hiding out from Hurricane Katrina when Chrissty and I first got together on the night of Sept. 15 on the beer soaked Mellow Mushroom floor.

Almost three years later, Kaleigh was back with her brother and brother's friend so we took them out to Milltown Groove, formerly Loozie Anna's, for a night of debauchery. The inside is still decorated with New Orleans garb, which seemed to make Kaleigh feel at home, but they took out the table and chairs that used to clutter up the stage front. The stage front is actually now a dance floor with a DJ spinning all the latest in beat driven hip-hop that drunkin' ladies love bootyshaking too. With this in mind, I wonder if this new bar will feature the great music that its predecessor was known for?

Also, they added horseshoes pits in the back (am I the only person who refers to Horsehoes, as Horeshoes? How funny would it be if you had to try and ring 5 inch Stellitos). I love this addition, but as Bunky and I enjoyed a few rounds, I couldn't help wonder what the liability coverage on something like that costs as drunkin' fools are tossing around weighted metal. Then I realized I don't own the bar and it's not my problem, so game on. This new establishment will do well with its size being the only thing that will impede its success, but, the people who own Flip Flops own it, for now paying a Milltown/Flops cover will also get you into the other bar, so it's looking like the Milltown Groove will act as a flood ditch for the people washed over from the Greek chaos of Flip Flops.

Long before Hurricane Gustave hit, I heard its name uttered as it was headed towards the Gulf and my mind conjured the gigantic killer croc of the same name from the ridiculously campy, Sci Fi Channel Aztec Rex of a movie released to theatres, Primeval.

Adam and I went to see this movie back in '07 thinking it would be one of the greatest slasher movies ever, based on the film's tagline, "Inspired by the True Story of The Most Prolific Serial Killer in History," but instead were forced into a poor man's Lake Placid that had no place in theaters, not that Lake Placid really did either. This movie is an example of some of the best marketing ever as we couldn't have been the only poor souls duped into paying the $8 plus popcorn and soda to attend this dirty diaper disguised as delicious curry chicken.

Bravo (accompanied by sarcastic slow dramatic clapping) for the suits who spent countless 3 a.m. mornings surrounded by empty Chinese food containers crafting this ploy. While you're drowning in 2 for 1 martinis celebrating, I'm still wondering what joys I missed on a glorious Valdosta night because I didn’t walk out as soon as I realized what this movie really was. I'm shocked not one seedy advertising during afternoon soaps lawyer hasn't tried making billions from a false advertising suit. If you're not to busy hanging out in emergency rooms or getting people out of blatant DUI charges, call me, but in the meantime, I'm appalled at the irresponsibility of the people in charge of naming hurricanes. If you're willing to name hurricanes after laughable movie monsters in even worse movies that take themselves way to seriously, what's next? Clearly, you need help naming these storms, so feel free to consult the following list:

T1000, Hannibal Lecter, Leatherface, or any other horror/thriller/action movie villain whose name causes Chuck Norris to cry – I'm sick of people trying to stick out category 5 hurricanes during mandatory evacuations, so if the threat of 200 mph winds and torrential rain isn't enough maybe these names will put the necessary amount of fright into them. I understand nobody wants to leave if they really don't have too. I get it. I'm all for drinking hurricanes at a hurricane party, but if there's a mandatory evacuation get your ass out of there; the Big Bad Wolf is coming to blow your house down.

Corporate Sponsorship – If you’re going to give hurricanes unjustified or boring names at least make some money doing it. Hurricane Microsoft, Hurricane Starbucks, Hurricane Wal-Mart. Get the picture. Bubby, these storms aren’t just blowing winds; they’re showering you with loads of cash. Sure, any PR director will tell you that it probably isn’t a good idea for their company to be associated with a destructive storm, but I defer to celebrity press secretaries who say any press is good press. On the same note, how about Hurricane Obama or Hurricane McCain? Name recognition is vital in an election people.

Bertha and Helga - My apologies to any hot and/or friendly, let's sit back with a brew and aimlessly chit chat ladies of this name, but, really, any reference to this name conjures some redwood tree of a woman with a menacing look in her eye, cracking her knuckles, looking to cause some form of pain to any and all bystanders around. Not even the promise of a happy ending could get me on the massage table with one of these ladies standing over me.

Nitro, Laser, Lace, or any American Gladiator name (the original, not the farce they're trying to peddle now) – These names just sound cool and any excuse to use them in a real world context should be taken. Hurricane names are the first step in the grander scheme of things. I want to see things in the future like the Nitro Public Library and The Gemini Champion of the Joust College Scholarship.